Monday, October 12, 2009
Is my stepmother wart showing?
Confession: Being a stepmother is WAY harder than being a biological mother. I can say this because I am both. My bio son is just a year and a half old and is thoroughly and beautifully exhausting. My stepson, who is equally as thorough and beautiful in his exhaustive nature, is four and a half. I'm not sure if it's being four or if it's the fact that no matter how much I love him, no matter how much I feel like he's my son, SS isn't actually my child. In the end, who does he want for comfort? "Mommy, Daddy, Gigi." I don't even rank above the blanket.
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3 comments:
You can win that war. I did. And winning means exactly what you think it means. It means they remember that you are an adult that has always been in their corner and cares unconditionally for them. He'll even save questions that you're better at answering for you when he's 12. I'm speaking from a gender-reversed roll where I had a 12 year old step-daughter. Now I'm divorcing but it doesn't change the fact that she knows she can count on me and I look out for her. You can do it too. Be the person, not the roll ;) And if my advice is useless, please ignore it.
I like that idea-- be the person, not the role. Last night was great; I came home to all three boys finishing up dinner and SS ran up to me to give me a big hug and a kiss. Maybe some of it is the age and I imagine it will get to be challenging as he gets older and into his teen years. But above all, I just want him to know how much I love and support him.
Yeah, he'll always know that you were there for him and he'll especially appreciate that when he gets older.
I was lucky w/ my ex stepson-his own mother dumped him on her parents when he was 2 so by the time his dad and I got together, he took right up w/ me. Even called me mom in front of his mother once. His dad and I split up in 2002 and he just got in touch w/ me on facebook a few weeks ago...made me so happy that he still thought about me after so many years!
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