Grouch.

Mabye in my old age, I've gotten inpatient. Yes, that must be it. Or-- it could be that I am trying to hold others to the high standards that I've set for myself. I'll admit, I have very high standards for friendship. I'm not always a perfect friend; hell, I'm sure there are times when I'm not a good friend, but I try really hard. I make efforts to stay in touch with people because I know that our lives have changed and hanging out, spending time together, isn't as easy as it used to be. I offer to have people over; I make phone calls. I reach out and try to communicate, especially when there's some sort of issue (by the way, I hate using that word, "issues." It just makes me think of magazines, specifically, Rolling Stone and for this, I have no explanation). I do my best to feel compassionate towards others, to be forgiving if I need to be and to realize that people are making decisions for themselves and that generally, that has nothing to do with me. My problem is that I take things personally and feel things deeply. I don't want to change this so much, at least the feeling things deeply part. Maybe the taking things personally part; yes, that should change.
In the end, I'm hurt because I have friends that I am assuming are upset with me because they are either not responding to my phone calls and/or emails or because they turn down repeated offers to hang out. Of course, I'm assuming and the reality of it is that their actions have to do with them and how they feel and it's not fair for me to be as self-centered as to make this about me. What's that quote-- I can't change others; I can only change myself. I will continue to love these friends and just hope that whatever the conflict is, whether it's with me or within themselves, that it resolves soon.