Time for love and time for cheer!

We are officially snowed/iced in-- have been all day!  I have to admit, I love being "stuck" in the house.  We've stayed in our pj's all day, Jason ventured out to Walmart and came home with junkfood galore (which we typically don't ever have in the house!), so we've been eating oodles of noodles and cheese puffs all day, coloring, playing with toys and watching tv.  Because of the snow day, my holiday break officially began today; I can hardly believe that I won't be back in school until 2011 (2011, by the way, is when my baby turns 3!  And my other babies will be 6 and 20! And Jason and I will celebrate our 4 year anniversary!  It is also the year we pay off a ginormous amount of credit debt!).  Christmas time is here in full effect!

When I ask E$ what he wants for Christmas, his response is consitently the same: decorations, candy, a big candy cane and Littlest Pet Shop.  That's my boy!  H.Bomb has wanted the same thing since he could talk: helicopters and Nerf guns, despite the fact that he knows we don't do toy guns at our house.  I guess it doesn't hurt to dream, huh?   We also talk about what we want to give to each other.  E$ says he wants to get snacks for everyone (such a smart one, that kid), but H. Bomb has the best gift idea ever.  He told Myles that he's getting him a toilet.  Oh yes, H.Bomb is planning to wrap up a toilet to place under the Christmas tree.  And if that wasn't enough, he's also planning to get him a flush.  A toilet and a flush. 

Happy holidays to everyone!  Here's hoping you get not only a toilet, but also a flush! 

PottyTrainingOhMyGawd.

Having a stepson, this is my second go round with the potty training experience.  Like we learned the last time, it's really best not to push too hard and they'll get it when they're ready.  Inevitably, when you push, the tiny humans push back and it all just ends up one big peeing-in-your-pants mess.

Now, that being said, we're not really pushing... just encouraging.  Heavily.  There are weeks when he uses the potty all day, every day (almost).  He will ask to go to the potty or even just go when he feels the need.  He wears underwear and successfully keeps them dry all.day.long.  He hasn't pooped in his pants for weeks on end.  Until this week. This week, he reverted.  This week, he peed in every single pair of underwear.  This week, he peed on the floor.  This week, he peed on our bed.  This week, he pooped in his pants.  I am so totally disgusted.  I thought we were *there*. I thought that by the end of the year, I would only be buying pull-ups for overnights.  We've used the "big boy" ploy, the sticker chart, the rewards (which is why currently watch How To Train Your Dragon just about everyday). He keeps asking to go to school with me, that he wants to be in school.  My response is that he can be in school when he doesn't need to wear pull-ups during the day and can use the potty by himself. Le sigh.

To be fair, he was sick early on this week.  He spent most of Sunday night puking on either me, his dad or the bed in between us and had such little energy on Monday that I didn't push the issue. I can't say that's why this week has been rough, but whatever the reason is, it sucks.  I swear, if another parent tells me how easy it was for their son or daughter to potty train, how they did it by themselves/before they were 2/never had an accident or offers me some suggestion like making them clean up their own poop mess (which my child just finds funny because he's such a boy), I am going to kick them in the shins.

30-For-30: Laurie B.

Towards the end of my senior year of college, I started applying at various schools in the valley.  I applied to public schools, but I knew my heart wasn't in it and spent more of my effort looking at alternative schools in the area.  I applied to Community High School, which would be opening in the fall and my resume was sent down to the lower school, and I recieved a call from the director, Laurie B.  I went in for an interview and realized that Laurie had been one of my teachers when I was in fourth and fifth grade at the PLATO program at Raleigh Court Elementary.
I was fresh out of college and while I had experience in education, most of it was with high school students, where I had planned on teaching English.  Laurie, however, gave me a chance and I ended up teaching a mix of third and fourth grades at Community School.  Laurie was an amazing mentor; she was there for advice and suggestions, as a sounding board when I had ideas that I thought were maybe too crazy.  She helped to give me the confidence to try new things and to know that even if they  didn't work out, that I could try something else.  She encouraged me to take chances and as a first year teacher, it meant so much to me to have a boss who trusted me.  Part of the reason I know today that I am a good teacher is because of her support and wisdom.  Laurie, thank you.  Your guidance got me through my first years of teaching and built the foundation for what has come since, and if I can offer only half of what you gave to me to someone else, I will have done well.

We Sleep in Stickers

Just like the nation's economic status, our household economy is struggling.  We live paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes can only make it in between those weeks because J has gigs that bring in a few extra bucks.  We are not accruing any new credit debt; only paying down what he took away from his divorce, the car, the house and our student loans.  We are slowly but surely getting this thing under control.
On top of that, I make a pretty serious trade-off.  When we were trying to get pregnant, we were hoping for a spring due date and E$ was born in early March, which was just about perfect timing.  I have always known that I wasn't cut out to be a full-time stay at home mom, and I was able to have six months at home with him before returning to work.  Here comes the trade-off:  when I went back to work, I only went back 4/5 time.  I realize this might not seem like a big deal to some people, but when you watch where (just about) every penny goes, losing a fifth of your income can be difficult.  When we crunched the numbers, we realized that whatever extra I would be making on that day would just end up going to childcare and because all of the tax stuff changed (woot, Obama!), my take-home pay ended up being just about the same as it was before I cut back my hours. 
So, while we are oh-so-very close to paying off the ridiculous amount of debt (springtime, people-- spring.time), we're not there yet and we have to make lots of sacrifices.  But because my mother instilled in me a "you never know how many tomorrows you have" mentality, I also make some tiny splurges.  Tonight, we splurged.  Tonight, we bought books.  Just two.  Both paperbacks.  And if I had some fancy pants iPhone/Droid thingy, I would totally have snapped some pictures and uploaded them instantly but you'll have to trust me when I tell you that snuggling in bed with my boy, reading It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Clifford's First Fall was totally worth it.  Sharing a Halloween sticker from the back of Charlie Brown, hearing E giggle as he put one on his jammies and one of my jammies and whispering, "Mommy?  We sleep in stickers?"  Totally worth every cent.

Sunday's Thanks- 30 For 30 Project

I am officially working on my 30-For-30 Project that I started for my birthday!  I have my cards, I have my list and am now writing those and sending them out.  I plan to write at least 2 or 3 a week, and will share some of those with you guys here.  This isn't my first note, but the first one I wanted to share with you all.


Dear H.Bomb,
Thank you for being so awesome this weekend.  Thank you for your unsolicited hugs, for telling me "I love you" when I hadn't said it first.  Thank you for sharing jokes and laughter with me; you have such a contagious laugh.  Being a stepmom is hard-- the hardest thing I've ever done.  I am expected to act like your parent, to love you unconditionally, to help you develop good habits that will carry you through, to give of myself.  But then I'm also expected to pull back and remember that I'm not actually your parent and have no real say in important life decisions.  When I'm needed, I'm expected to change my schedule and make plans to take care of you, which I always do.  I know, however, that at the last minute, and for a myriad of reasons, I'm told that I can't take care of you because I'm not your family.  And really, it's those last three words that hurt more than anything.  As far as I'm concerned, you are my family.  You are my husband's son, my son's brother.  You look just like your dad-- the freckles, the smile.  You and your brother have the same twinkle in your eyes, the same laugh, the same intensity that both exhausts and inspires me. 
And so in all of the turmoil that comes with a situation like this, we sometimes have these magical moments that sparkle through everything else.  We have those hugs, those shared smiles, the walks, the snuggles, the dance parties, that reassure me that you do love me as much as I love you.  Thank you for reminding me of that all weekend. 
I more than love you.

Too Many Things

I had written this very long, in-depth, thoughtful blog about parenting.  I previewed it and saved it for later.  I reviewed it and deleted it.  It's not that I'm ashamed of my thoughts, or that I changed my mind.  I realize that this is MY blog and while there are only a few of you who read it, someone may stumble across it someday and I don't want to offend anyone.  I have some fairly strong opinions about childbirth, breastfeeding, parenting styles, food dyes and artificial sweetners, toys, and our choices in those matters.  But just like politics and religion, my most important opinion is that I respect the different choices that people make.  I have a hard time when I read comments on Facebook that are so isolating to one group of people, or that insinuate someone is a better parent because they breastfeed/bottle feed/cloth diaper/only feed their kids natural foods/use flashcards with their 2 month old/vaccinate/don't vaccinate/expose their child to "necessary evils" in preparation for life (no kidding; I actually saw that).  It bothers me less when I read it on a blog for some reason.
The fact of the matter is that I believe just about all of us are doing the best we can with what we have.  Instead of trying to tear each other down, let's support one another and learn about our different choices and why it works for our families.  Let's keep an open mind and an open heart.

On a side note, if you're reading this, I miss you.  I hope you are all doing well and that I hear from you soon. 

As if I don't have enough to read...

Here are a few blogs I've discovered (or rediscovered) recently.  Lots of crafty things, lots of gift inspiration.  Enjoy!

Giver's Log

Joy's Hope (by the way, I've been reading this blog for awhile, but just read the story tonight and cried).

Honey&Jam (baking and photography!)

Notes from the Cookie Jar

So this should be enough to keep you for a few extra hours tonight :) 

He Said He Was Holding Back Tears

So today was a big day in our family; it was kindergarten orientation day for my stepson, H.Bomb.  He officially starts at his new school on Monday, a change for him.  He's been in a public school preschool for the past two years that he's loved.  There are some things I wasn't too happy with (the school was being revamped and so kids were expected to focus while the ceilings were being torn down all over the school and they could hear the workmen talking to one another, hammering away and listening to their music.  Because of the renovations, there were two preschool classes of 10 kids each, crammed into one tiny room, divided by a small set of cubbies. Also, he was three and four years old and I'm not certain why he was expected to "focus for 30 mintues or more" on any one activity), but he was happy.

And now, today.  Jason. went with H and his mom to orientation and I called to see how it went, if H was excited.  Jason was so disappointed.  They get art once a week (or week and a half, depending), gym twice a week, library once a week, music once every week and a half and 15 minutes of recess.  Let me just repeat so that you get the full magnitude-- FIVE AND SIX YEAR OLDS GET 15 MINTUES OF RECESS A DAY.  If you've ever met a kindergartener, you probably intuitively know and therefore don't need any of the studies to prove to you, that this is NOT ENOUGH.  But just in case you want some info, just google "why kids need recess" and study up.  There is no shortgage of evidence to prove this one.  They were already talking about SOL prep and testing skills, not developing a love of reading, or writing practice or learning to socialize.  There are no field trips because it's not in the financial budget or the time budget.  There's not enough money to pay for a school bus and not enough time to give up because they have to work to do.  Please understand that I am not criticizing teachers for this, as their hands are often tied.  Rather, the administrations are placing value on the wrong things.  Maybe they've been out of the classroom for too long (or in some case, because they never been in a classroom).  This is filtering into the high schools, where students no longer know how to write essays because all they have to do is take multiple choice tests and into colleges, where students don't know how to take responsibility for their own education and growth.  All of the college professors I know are sorely disappointed in the state of public education.
As a teacher, I see some of the most important work being done on field trips and on the playground.  Kids learn to explore, to make a guess at how something might work and then have their own trial and error to figure it out.  They learn to get along with others and to share.  They learn how to fail and how to get back up again.  They discover the world around them and within them.  I know that we can supplement H's education to try and fill in the gaps that will be left, but it just makes me so sad to know that's how he'll be spending his days. 

This is what happens when one day just runs into the next.

+

+

=

An awesome Friday night.

(don't hate.)

Bittersweet

It is essentially the middle of August.  In just two full weeks, I go back to work.  I go back to packing lunches and setting out clothes the night before, to getting up at 6:30am and hoping to get out the door by 7:15am. I go back to spending my days with tweens and talking about books and writing.  I will drop E$ off at his babysitter's house, and pick him up late in the afternoon.  Our days, and weeks, will be scheduled

In some ways, I miss that structure.  One of my favorite things about teaching is that my schedule changes.  I still get an occasional day off every season.  I get a few days off for Thanksgiving, two weeks in December and a week off in the spring.  I get snow days; I get summer vacation.  Those days off during the year are always welcome breaks, but the many weeks of summer can get to me.  I love being home without much of a schedule; now that I have E$, I love being home even more, to have that time with him.  I believe unstructured play time is essential for kids and he's getting old enough to really enjoy it.  We usually wake up sometime between 7am and 9am, and have a lingering breakfast.  We go out in the mornings, to play, run errands or visit friends. Sometimes we eat lunch out or we picnic.  We almost always come home for a nap.  Glorious, afternoon naps in the summer that can sometimes stretch up to three hours.  Then we get up slowly and spend some downtime.  He plays with his toys; I check my email (or read celebrity gossip online, but whatever).  Several weeks ago, I brought our Kangaroo Climber (now three years old and sunfaded) into our living room.  My boys are climbers and jumpers and super-high-energy-like-you-wouldn't-believe and always wanted to play outside during the hottest part of the day, so my solution was to tug this thing inside, which has been awesome.

My savior this summer.

And while I love these days, these weeks to spend all day with him, I am ready to go back to work.  I'm fortunate to work at a school that can be flexible with my schedule and I work four full days, so we have a three day weekend every week.  For me, it really is the best of both worlds.  And after so long of having these long, hot summer days stretch out before us totally unencumbered, I am looking forward to getting back to a schedule.  I'm excited to pack our lunches, to get up in the morning and put on someting other than gauchos and t-shirts. Also, I get to buy school supplies.  I'm 30 years old and I still get to buy school supplies for myself!  I know E$ will be thrilled to see his old friends, and some new ones, at his sitter's house and maybe we can find a way to get him into bed before 10:00pm (oh yes-- that's his current bedtime).  But while I'm looking forward to it, the change will be hard.  When I mentioned to E$ the other day, at the breakfast table, that we were going to visit his babysitter, instead of smiling like I had anticipated, he wrenched his face and the tears poured out, while he sobbed, "But I want you!"  That will be the bitter, but luckily there's a sweet side, too.  

Love makes you a parent; not biology.

(first, you must know that I am currently in bed with two boys.  two young, sweet, sleeping boys who are making my heart melt and get all musha every time I look over at them.  this is one of my happiest moments today).

I want to adopt.  I think, deep down, my family will feel complete with one more child.  I always said that I really wanted three, and right now, we do sort of have three kids that we're caring for, but I think I need one more baby to raise.  Sometimes, when I look at E, I think I have to have another child, one more that will have my cowlick and blue eyes, with Jason's grin and sparkle.  But other times, I feel this sense of... something like responsibility to love a child that has come from someone else's genetics. Being a stepmom has been an incredible experience and has taught me that loving a child and being a parent isn't all about genetics.  Sure,  it's an amazing thing to look at a child and see parts of yourself shine through, things that are just innate.  But H., my stepson, is like me in so many ways, too and we are bonded just as deeply.  And so I feel like I know I can love another child as my own, even if they don't have 23 chromosomes from me, or from my husband.  I feel like it would be a nice way to round out our family-- everyone would have a different biological set of parents, but we'd still make one family. 

Locavore Love

While my girlfriends and I were in Charlottesville a few weeks ago, I picked up one of those free magazines at Whole Foods, Edible Blue Ridge.  I was honestly sort of expecting it to be one of those cheap-o magazines with very little info and some cheap looking ads that look like they've been done by someone of my abilities in Photoshop.  That is not, however, what I found.  The articles were great-- on farmer's markets in the area, on restaurants that use local goods, on products worth investing and awesome ads that truly showcased that region of Virginia. Check out their blog!
So when are we gonna see Edible Southwest?

Pimpin' Ain't Easy

This blog isn't read enough for me to ever consider going the route of Google advertising, and the following people/company/groups aren't paying me, but I thought I'd share some things that I currently love:

I adore all things Alice in Wonderland.  I adore cupcakes.  What is it that Jack Johnson says?  Better Together.  I think so.

From CuteAbility's Etsy shop!

Winter Prep from Reconsumed.

I want to order these notecards by the hundreds.  From FierceMally.

Most of you know (or if you don't, here it is) that I am minorly  majorly obessesed with grocery stores and Whole Foods by far is my most absolute favorite.  Seriously, if we had more money, I would drive the 2 hours to Charlottesville just to do my grocery shopping.  (Please note, it doesn't hurt that Charlottesville has a Sephora, which has Philosophy products, and a Melting Pot AND lots of super cute boutiques, all of which I love).

This is what I gave my husband for our third anniversary.  Romantic, huh?  It's what he wanted, though.  He's really into the financial books and one of our family goals is to make smarter financial decisions (which, I am proud to say, we are doing!).  I tend to shy away from books like this, not because I think I can't learn anything, but because I find them as dry as a week old scone (bakers use baking metaphors; sorry).  However, Cheapskate was awesome and not just "awesome for a financial book," but a seriously good read.  I mean, I stayed up late a few nights because I didn't want to stop reading.  Jeff Yeager, do you have a Fan page on Facebook?  If so, I need to "like" you asap.  (btw, my favorite point in the book was that cheapskates tend to value experiences over material possessions. Right on).

This article on napping, shared with me by Domestically (Mostly)Abled Shelley (Who Doesn't Give Her Craftiness/Homemaking Skills Enough Credit)

Trips with the girls.  Living in a house FULL of boys, it was nice just to be around some estrogen again. Sometimes it's hard to carve out that time, but it is so necessary.  (PS- Please notice E$ sneaking into the picture.  I think he was also hoping to sneak into the car, but his plan was foiled!)

Playing in the rain. (musha)

Impromptu summer milkshakes.  These were Dreamsicles-- a few scoops of vanilla ice cream/orange sherbert sherbet blended with a bit of orange/pineapple juice and voila!

Berry pickin' at Crow's Nest Farm in Blacksburg!

Future pancakes, popsicles, muffins and partners with yogurt. 

Hope everyone else is enjoying the bounty of July!

I Am...

After a weekend with my girlfriends, I'm doing a little self reflection.  One of the writing prompts I do on a regular basis is the "I am.."  so, here goes.  I am...
E's mom
H's stepmom (and a damn good one.  I hate that stepmoms get such a negative rep).
J's wife, his best friend.
a friend (and a damn good one)
a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a daughter-in-law
a teacher (and a damn good one... !)
someone who makes an effort to think before she speaks
someone who is sensitive to how others might feel
a parent who has not made decisions concerning my children's health and well-being lightly
someone who doesn't implicitly trust the medical community, politicians, the government, the military or public schools
more patient with my children
sometimes less patient with adults
not very good at saving money
not a dieter but am trying to drop some pounds
a baker
obsessed with grocery stores, cupcakes and books
a reader
a writer (sort of at least)
in crush with Paul Rudd
a hopeful world-traveler
an old soul
in love wtih my son.
a photographer, a memory-recorder
a Wife Swap watcher
a mentor
a guardian
intimidated by people with the inability to walk in someone else's shoes
in awe of To Kill a Mockingbird
stronger now that I was just five years ago
much happier to be starting my 30s (and feeling secure and mostly confident) and leaving the insecurity of my 20s behind.

In the summertime, when the weather is fine...

The weather has been so very fine this week; the humidty seeped away and left us with warm, sunny days that didn't try to steal your breath.  There were beautiful breezes that were perfect for days at the park or mini road trips and lunch with friends.  I love my job; being a teacher is such a rewarding profession, but I'm also really enjoying being home with E$ this summer.  Not that I haven't enjoyed in before, but at almost 2 1/2, he's at an age where we can get into all kinds of things.  We've been painting a lot (finger painting, dressing up simple wooden picture frames, and we're getting ready to tackle the front porch...), catching fireflies, blowing bubbles, taking walks and having picnics, exploring our neighborhood and library and perhaps the best of all, taking a nap together just about every afternoon.  We're having popsicles for breakfast (yogurt pops that we're making, so it's still healthy!) and staying up late.  I'm plowing through books and feel relaxed-- exactly what summer is supposed to be! 

Thought I'd share a recipe that I made last night, Raspberry Whoopie Pies!  I got the recipe from an issue of Everyday Food (which I love!) and altered it just a bit.  It was a perfect summertime dessert!

Cream 1 cup of brown sugar and 1 stick of butter; add one egg and 1 ts vanilla (I actually added 1 TB because the original recipe called for lemon zest, which we were out of).  Then, alternate with 2 1/4 cups flour and 1 cup milk (again, recipe called for whole milk but we only had 2%).  Add 3/4 ts baking powder and 1/4 ts baking soda.  I used a small cookie scoop and made about 30 cookies (it took 3 sets).  Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes.  Meanwhile, get ready to make some delicious raspberry whipped cream!  I put my stainless steel bowl and the carton of whipping cream in the freezer for awhile (10-30 minutes, whileI'm cleaning up from baking).  In the cold bowl, add about 3 TB of brown sugar with one small carton of whipping cream (about 3/4 cup) and whip!  In a separate bowl, mash 1 pint of fresh raspberries (yum!  We always have to buy extra berries to cover for the ones we snack on while we're baking) and blend that into the whipped cream.  Once the cookies have completely cooled, put a nice dollop of whipped cream on one and top with another!  We ate a few last night and they were so delicious; perfect for a summer evening.  I also put several in the feezer; I'll let you know how those turn out and I'll take some pictures.  Enjoy!

Shh!!

I am home.  Alone.  Beautifully, quietly alone.  At home.  !!!!
If you live with other people, you probably realize how rare this is.  I live with four boys and quiet in our house only happens in the witching hours, and that's assuming everyone is sleeping soundly (also a rare thing!).  But right now, M is out for a walk and J took E$ along as he takes H.Bomb to a vacation Bible school event.  And I am home alone. :)  I'm eating Doritos and drinking a cream soda, watching shows that I've dvr'd (currently on the play list is Cupcake Wars). 

Life is good.

3 Good Things

The past few weeks have been jam-packed with events and I've been squeezing in a few good books to read and ideas to think about amongst all of the madness and am ready to reflect for a bit.  So, 3 good things...
1. Callie's birthday was the past week and the girls all gathered to celebrate.  I made a cake that turned out fairly well, and it was wonderful to spend time with the girls (we watched Steel Magnolias!)
2. E and H and I went to Amazement Square last Friday and had an absolute ball.  I love watching the two of them play, both independently and together.  As rambunctious as it gets at our house sometime, I believe they are two of the most awesome kids ever. 
3. J and I were able to hang out this weekend-- neither one of us working or kid-wrangling.  Just hanging out.  It was a beautiful thing.

And now, three things I'm looking forward to:
1. M graduates tomorrow!
2. Summer officially begins for me on Thursday!
3. I've got a few crafty projects up my sleeves to work on with the boys-- I hope to get some art work on our walls!

Brain.Too.Full...

I am having some serious Mommy brain.  My toddler is still nursing and I just feel like he's sucking brain cells right out with his mama's milk.  What do I do when my brain is running a thousand miles a minute and I feel like I can't remember my own name, much less the hundreds of things that are on my to-do list, my to-worry-about later list, my what-needs-to-happen-sooner-than-later list?  Well, first and foremost, I avoid.  I am a grade A avoider.  So right now, I am watching the emotionally-wrenching Grey's Anatomy (btw, OMG OMG OMG.  This is TOO MUCH right now but I CAN'T STOP).  What else do I do?  I list.  I make lists. So, while there's a commerical break, here's a quick list:
1. While I look forward to summer, one of those high points of being a teacher, I hate how things finally are starting to click with some students and in just three weeks, I won't have them anymore.  And I hate how ridiculously busy the end of the year gets and I feel like all I do is rush, rush, rush.
2. We bought a new car.  A (used) Mazda 5, which is basically a wagon with third row seating, so we can fit our entire family in one car.  It's like a mini minivan.  I miss my Jeep, but I'm so into the Mazda right now.
3. A student recently told me that I was her mentor.  That may be one of the greatest compliments in my entire life.  She is an amazing student and would be without my influence, but I still feel so honored.  I hope I can do her justice.
4. I keep thinking about how doing new things together can help bind people to one another.  I feel like I want to make an effort to do new things with Jason, with my family and with my friends.  I want to strengthen those connections.
5. All of this extra fiber in my diet doesn't seem to be helping with the weight loss.  I think it may be time for more drastic measures (i.e. some serious calorie reduction.  Ugh.  Too bad I love to eat). 

That's all I've got for now.  I hope to come back this weekend with something a little more... substantial. 

Boyz

A video from H's birthday.  I swear, we didn't teach E how to do this.  He's got the beat in his blood.

May already?

Hi friends.  My apologies for letting the dust settle here.  The past few weeks have been uber hectic (hmm... I feel a tad pretentious using "uber" like that.  Oh well).  It's getting to be the end of the school year, which is bound to get even more hectic.  I hope to write here some in the next few weeks, but things will get more regular (reminder: talk about my new "diet") once summer begins.  I'll leave you with a quick list:
1. Parenting a teenager is WAY harder than I expected.  I'm not sure if it's harder because he's not biologically my child, or if it's going to be harder with our own, but sheesh.  Rolling eyes, ignoring me, lack of initiative-- ugh!
2. I'm officially fat.  Well, officially "overweight," according to the diagnosis from my physical last week.  By the way, I wasn't looking for a diagnosis, I just wanted a new PCP.  So I'm fat.  Doctor suggested that I just need to up my fiber.  Oh wow, fiber.  I mean, I thought I got enough fiber before, but holy smokes, fiber.
3. The next 6 weeks will be a push, but then I can breathe.  I just have dreams of being alone.  I want a solid two days ALONE.  A.  L.  O..  N..  E...... 
4. Full moon= rambunctious boys.  OVERLY rambunctious boys= ridiculously tired parents.  I was so looking forward to a Monday morning.  Seriously.  It was that bad. 

Okay, that's all I got right now.  Back to my Cracklin Oat Bran...

Monday Funday

Today?  Today was a good great day.  We all got up and got moving on time, with breakfast to boot.  The kids were awesome today at school; totally invested in our start of Shakespeare (I'm taking them to see Romeo and Juliet next Thursday).  Ethan was in a relatively good mood when I picked him up.  He curled up in my lap at the sitter's house as I was trying to put on his shoes and asked for a snuggle.  Such a musha, that kid.  I picked up Myles, then J and we went to visit Whit for a few.  Came home, had a family dinner, Ethan and J snuggled up to go to sleep; Myles took Heavy D for a much-needed walk and now I'm getting ready to pack lunches, get everything ready for tomorow and hit the sack myself.  Mondays like this make the rest of the week go so much more smoothly. 

Squishy

This is a coin I termed several years ago to describe this sort of in-the-middle feeling; it means that while things aren't really bad, they also aren't really good.  Unsettled.  And today?  Today I feel squishy.  The day itself wasn't bad, really.  E wasn't feeling great early this morning, but that all seemed to dissapate within a few hours (read: after I spent $50 at the grocery store at 6:30am, stocking up on Pedialyte, broth and crackers).  We had a pleasant morning and then walked up to the coffee shop for lunch with Myles, his girlfriend and her sister and grandmother.  E and I both took a good nap, but then the evening sort of fell through.  J was feeling grouchy  because of some extenuating circumstances and we were just totally miscommunicating.  He needed to vent and I kept offering suggestions and ways to make it better.  But see-- that's not what he needed.  He just needed to vent, to get it all out and I kept interjecting my thoughts, my opinions.  I finally shut my mouth and just acknowledged his feelings, which was a good step, but by that point, I was already frustrated and he was still frustrated and the rest of our evening went nothing as planned. 
And so now  I feel squishy.  It wasn't like we were fighting; it's not that we're upset with each other.  I just tend to take it personally when he's feeling sad, even though what he often needs is to simply not take other things so personally.  Go figure, huh?  So I'm squishy, sitting here on the couch with leftover Easter candy (because that's obviously going to make me feel better) and watching LOST, but not really paying attention because I'm so distracted by how I feel.  The good news is that after LOST, I'm going to bed and everything is always better in the morning. 

Adding to the Family

Over the past few months, Jason and I have talked at length about the idea of adoption.  We both know (at least we know most of the time!) that we want one more baby but I'm not sure I feel the need to be pregnant and to deliver again (though I am so glad to have done it at least once.  I learned so much about myself and giving birth is an amazingly transformative experience).  However, I don't think that just anyone can really love someone else's child as their own and I think that people who can, should.  I know that we can.  I know that both Jason and I can truly love a child that doesn't have my cowlick or his freckles, as any child our our's would have.  We can love someone else's child as our own.
We thought this would be a few years in the future.  We thought we would adopt a baby or a toddler.  But God had other plans, at least for now.  Last weekend, Myles, a senior at a local high school, moved in with us.  His family home was not a safe place to be and he left there about two months ago, but hasn't had a settled place to stay.  Without needing too much discussion, Jason and I asked him to come and live with us.  He's a sweet, thoughtful and intelligent guy.  Our hope is to get him healthy and happy-- get him to prom, to graduation, getting a job, starting classes at our local community college and feeling loved.  Both of our boys love him and he already feels like one of our own. 

Work in Progress

I have written and rewritten a blog about the health care reform, but haven't actually posted anything.  I've been reading all kinds of reviews and other blogs, both those whose opinions match mine and those whose are different.  I think it's important to read both sides so that I can both be reaffirmed in my beliefs but also stretched to think about things differently. 
Unfortunately, I tend to get pretty worked up over this issue and while I appreciate reading other people's highly opinionated posts, it's not the kind of thing I want to post.  Much to the chagrin of some, I tend to be a middle-of-the-road kind of gal and tend to be opposed to any kind of extremism.  In fact, I've really come to appreciate the "hide" feature of Facebook when it comes to recent politics.  The idea of "I'm definitely right; you're definitely wrong," just doesn't sit well with me. 
So, the blog I've saved may not ever be posted but basically, I'm all for some overhaul of our health care system (and I think the education system needs to be next on the list) and I support Obama's plan.  I'm proud of the steps our government took in putting the majority of Americans' best interest first and I'm disappointed in the response of Virginia's governor and his closed-mindedness.  While I myself am not conservative, I can understand how and why people hold conservative values close to their hearts and to their families.  What I don't get is how it's okay to say that those ideals are best for the nation as a whole, when we are so diverse.  I hope my children grow up to be caring and compassionate people who understand that. 

Learning a New Language

You want a story analyzed?  I'm on it.  You need a poem written?  I'm your girl.  You have questions about education, literacy or tweens?  I got ya covered.  But mathy/computery stuff is SO not my forte. 

Despite this, I'm trying to learn HTML, CSS and/or javascript.  I've been looking at and studying (albeit briefly) the codes on blogs that I like, trying to figure how coloring and fonts and whatnot.  One of my coworkers, Katlyn, knows the basics and her blog looks great.  She's pointed me in some good directions (although I secrety wish I could draw it out for her and she could code it for me!), so wish me luck.  And if you have any suggestions, please leave them for me here!  I need all the help I can get!

5 to 1

In the Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin noted that for every 1 negative interaction, it takes 5 positive ones to build up up good vibes again (she said it in a much more scientific and stastical way, but you get the idea).  This one fact has really stuck with me and I've made an effort to make sure to have positive interactions with J, with my kids, with my students and coworkers, with my friends.  When Callie was working on her masters degree, she shared this same idea as social capital.  We have to invest in our relationships so that they can weather the inevitable storms. 

For J and I, it's great to have date nights and snuggle time together on the couch, but sometimes those interactions are as simple as calling to say thank you for making our morning go smoothly or emailing an article that reminds us that parenting is hard for everyone and that is not only our children who are challenging.  For the kids, we make sure to have some one-on-one time with each boy, but also just time together as a family.  When the weather is warm, we go on LOTS of picnics.  We avoid the tv, phones, computers and just focus on each other.  As hard as it seems to have gotten sometimes, I try to see my girlfriends on a regular (or at least semi-regular) basis.  It can be brunch or catching up at a party or making plans for a girls' overnight in the summer, but connecting them always reminds me that I am more than just J's wife, H's stepmom or E's mama.

I can't be sure that the 5 to 1 ratio is completely accurate, but it makes sense to me.  So how do you invest in your social capitalism? 

Cuteness

Seriously, sometimes I love looking at my kid. 

A Triple Shot of 3 Good Things

A weekend in review--

1. Friday night birthday dinner for E$ with the fam. 
2. E$'s Dancey Dance on Saturday-- so many people crammed into our tiny house, showing so much love for our little guy.  He had an awesome time, which lead us to...
3. A  3 hour nap on Saturday with the boys. 

1. A Saturday night potluck for Jess's 30th birthday. 
2. Laughing hysterically at our reponses to Loaded Questions (what does Liz fear the most?  According to Adam, who had to decipher her handwriting, "surfing and torture.")
3. Sunday afternoon date with Halsey.  We went to lunch and to see Alice in Wonderland. 

1. Sun, sun, sunny sun! 
2. A walk this afternoon.
3. A sweet smelling, sleeping boy in my lap.

2 Years

Two years ago, I had been in real, actual labor for about two hours. Contractions were regular and not intense, but were definitely different than the ones I'd been having on and off for the previous two weeks. Susan, Jessica, Jason and I had eaten black beans and rice for dinner (we make our black beans with salsa and pineapple, so maybe there's something to the old wive's tale that pineapple can jumpstart labor) and were watching TV, maybe America's Best Dance Crew. Around 10:00pm, I decided to go to bed and try to get some sleep, knowing that within the next day, my life was going to be forever changed in ways I didn't yet understand.
I didn't sleep; I layed in bed for two hours and watched the minutes pass. By the time I asked Jason to draw a bath, I was in a different frame of mind. Somehow, I let my head and my body almost separate; I tried to just let my body do what it knew how to do. We went to the hospital around 2:00am, and my contractions were one on top of the other; they were so intense and I was so sure I was in transition. I wasn't, or at least my cervix hadn't caught up with the contractions. When the nurse told me I was only at 3cm, I was devastated and immediately asked for an epidural, something I had wanted so much to avoid. However, at that point, I was more worried about being so exhausted that I couldn't push and an epidural seemed to me the better choice. I believe my exact words were, "where is the God-forsaken anesthesialogist?" :) Jason, Jess and Susan can better attest to that. In addition to those three, my mom and my sister were both with me in our room, offering their emotional support.
I finally got my epidural around 7:00am and 7cm, and somehow an hour later, it was time to push. I was fortunate that the epidural was light; it really just took the edge off, so when it came time to push, I could feel Ethan moving down the birth canal, could feel his tight, slick body making it's way into this world. My nurse, Ailene, was phenomenal. She asked me to push three times with each contraction and was patient when I told her I just couldn't. She explained why I needed 3-- one to make up for the backslide, one to push him down further, and one to keep him from sliding, but told me that if I could only push twice, that was okay. Looking at her, at Jason on my right side, Jess on my left and feeling Susan's gentle reminders to relax in between contractions, I felt encouraged to push 3 times with each contraction. When he crowned, I reached down and felt his head, his hair and wanted even more just then to meet this boy who had been growing inside of me.
When he was born and put onto my chest, before he was wrapped in the white blanket with a pink and blue stripe, before his chest and nose were cleared, before he was weighed, he was given to me and my world shifted. When he was born to us, I was born his mother. His tiny cry, more like the mew of a kitten, made tears well up in my eyes and though I've never considered my heart small by any means, I felt like the Grinch at the end of the movie, as my heart seemed to swell in such a rush of emotion, thumping like it was going to burst through. As long as he was in my arms, I didn't care what else happened around me. I had never felt such true joy before that minute.
And now, that sweet baby is going to be 2. Tomorrow moring, he will be two years old. A toddler, no longer a baby, though he's small for his size. He is a talker; he said his first word at 9 months ("doggie") and has never stopped. His laugh is infectious; he already has such a developed sense of humor. He loves music and dancing; I love when he puts his arms up and steps from side to side when he hears a song he likes. He asks to hear "Daddy sing," for Gabba songs and most recently, "Baby Down Down Down." He loves the color green and still uses a pacificer. He's still nursing, though we're in the process of weaning. He has been sick twice ever; once last December when Jason had the flu and once last May, when he had the beginnings of an ear infection. He calls all blankets "gigi's," loves to fly on airplane and likes to play both the drums and guitar. He has my cowlick, my father's cowlick and my angry face. He's just barely 24lbs and in size 18 months, but I think it's because he never ever stops moving.
I am a fortunate girl to have such a supportive family, to have such an intelligent, devoted group of friends, to be married to my best best friend, all of whom have changed me and made a difference. But no one person has ever made the difference that Ethan has made. He has made me want to be a better person, to not just have dreams, but to make them happen, so that I can be a good example for him. He has taught me true patience, unconditional love and humility.
Happy 2nd birthday, Ethan. I more than love you.

My Own Happiness Project

I turned the big 3-0 a few weeks ago and got a few BN gift cards, with which I was able to buy two books I've been craving: one is a teacher book, The Book Whisperer, by Donalyn Miller and the other is The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.

I'm very interested in the idea of happiness. I mean, I know that most of us want to be happy, or at least that's what we say, but I think there's a big disparity between wanting to be happy and actually being happy. I honestly think some people find it easier to be in a state of dischord, though they would probably say they want to be happy. But then, Garbage put it so eloquently; "I'm only happy when it rains." I want to be truly happy, to live an uncomplicated and simple life, to find and appreciation the small things in my everyday life. In December, I read The Geography of Bliss, by Eric Weiner. It's a great book, charting the happiest and unhappiest places around the globe and what it is the makes them happy. The Happiness Project is about Gretchen's specific goals and resolutions to take better note of the small and happy details of her life. While some of the things seemed trivial to me, the most meaninful parts to me are the little things-- keeping my nagging in check (not that I nag... much), making effort at friendships, working towards goals and facing challenges. For years, since college I guess, I've had my own ritual to help me focus on the good things-- 3 Good Things. It used to be that I wrote these down on post it notes every day and stuck them up where I would see them, on the mirror, the dashboard of my car, the door, in my wallet. Seeing those tangible reminders of the good things I had in my life were helpful, particularly when things didn't feel so happy.
In college, I decided to be an English major, because reading and writing were the things that made me happy, despite the fact that the job market doesn't always open up high paying doors to English majors. Then, I decided to be a teacher, because I felt it was my calling. On top of that, I decided to teach at a private school, not exactly the money-making career my parents both hoped I would have. But you know? I was happy; I was following my heart and I didn't worry about money. In 2004, I bought my house because it felt right, because it made me happy, despite it's lack of "resale value." What was valuable to me was that it always felt like home. The majority of the decisions I've made have been motivated by how much happiness it's likely to bring me and for me, I don't really equate money with happiness. That's not to say that I don't appreciate the value of money; times aren't exactly easy for us right now, but we've made some decisions that will lighten our load significantly. It's just that I think I do a pretty good job at connecting with the day-to-day events that make me feel satisfied and appreciative of the life I am fortunate enough to live.
To that end, I've considered my own "happiness project." Part of that is my 30 thank yous. Telling me people how much they've meant to me and how my life has been made better because of them is important to me. I want to travel and see new things-- we're hoping to visit Las Vegas this fall, Orlando next spring and *fingers crossed*, Italy and Greece next summer. I want to spend real quality time with my boys, to focus on them when we're together, to be a positive, happy role model for them. I want to spend that kind of time with Jason, too, and make sure he really knows how much I love him. I want to spend time with my friends, and soak up their wisdom, humor and general awesomeness.
So I'm not sure what to do next-- just keep these ideas in mind? Keep a chart or checklist, like Gretchen? Write here everyday? (Of course, let's be honest, it's probably just the two of us here ;) ) Any suggestions? I'm open to them!

Baby's First Pun

Okay, so he's not a baby, he's almost 5, but it's still pretty exciting. Puns are an important part of the Hill tradition, I've learned over the past few years. Jason and his dad, in particular, exchange them on a regular basis. I've always had a special place in my heart for puns, but being with Jason has really amped it up (ask one of us about the "chili dog" incident).

Anyhow, this morning in the car on the way to school, H.Bomb casually asked his dad if he had ever heard of a "roller ghoster." Ya know, a roller coaster that's in a haunted house? :) Such genius, that child.

(In other humor news, the littlest Hill, E$ made his first joke, at the tender age of almost 2. He picked his nose, held it up to me and said, "Mom, I want booger sammich," and proceeded to giggle relentlessly. Such is the life with boys).

This blog is taking the place of cookies.

Warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies, to be exact. I had fully intended to work out tonight, a little WiiFit and a little Just Dance, but by the time I got both boys tucked into bed, I was tuckered out. Working out really does wake me up (which is further evidence that I *should* get up early in the morning to work out, but alas, I choose to not see the before side of 6:30am), but it's just so much easier to fit it in the afternoons or in the early evenings with a long, brisk walk. So because our day started so late, the boys went to bed late, and I still want to go to bed at a reasonable hour, the workout was nixed. And instead, I wanted cookies. The Pillsbury dough, baked until the edges are crisp and the middle is still so ooey-gooey cookies to go with a tall class of Homestead creamery milk. Here's the kicker: more than I want the cookies, I want to be thin(ner). I want to fit back into my size 8s, the ones that my husband hung in the closet to taunt me (if I knew html codes, I would have crossed out the taunt and put it motivate). So I had a small glass of lowfat chocolate milk instead.
An okay balance, right?

Friday's List

1. Today was a great day. Ethan and I got an early start to our day and knocked out our errands. He's pooped in the potty at the sitter's all week long (!!!!!), so we went to get some pull-ups and training pants (!!!!!). I also bought a pair of mom-jeans* at Target. Then we went to Captain Party to find the coveted Gabba party supplies that my husband said were there. Big letdown because the only Gabba goods they had were tucked away in one $40 box that you couldn't open but that supposedly contain plates, napkins, cups, a Mylar balloon and a bunch of other stuff that I didn't feel was worthy of our $40. So we didn't buy the Gabba box but we did buy a few other goodies for E's upcoming 2nd bday dancey dance. Then it was time to hunt down a cake for a friend's party tonight and our final stop was lunch with Holly. Ethan was good for most of the morning, although he felt the need to first turn on all of the charm for the all of the female diners at the coffee shop and then proceeded to run around like a banshee.
2. Holy smokes. I had such a good day so far that I got way too caught up in the details. My bad. Back to the list.
3. Jason and I are currently watching "17 Again." Here's my confession: Zac Efron is hot. Super way hotter than Taylor Lautner (who I really don't think is all that hot).
4. We are so close to being mostly debt free, I swear I can taste it. We've handled a huge debt from J's divorce. J did the smart thing and went to CCCS to get it all under control, back in 2006. For years, we've been paying a ginormous amount of our monthly income to dealing with it and it has been so disheartening at times. We live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes, I seriously don't know how we make it. Without both of us having some sort of second income, we might not have made it. But the end is near! Within just a few months, we'll pay off one bill and in just over a year, we'll pay off the huge one. I finally feel like we can start making real plans for our future, like traveling and a bigger house and a new (to us) car when one of our vehicles finally breaks down.
5. My baby boy is going to be 2 in 2 weeks. How does that happen? When did he go from being this tiny little bundle to an active, smart, sweet and sensitive toddler? As he gets older, Jason and I have started talking about when and whether or not we want to add one more to the brood. I think we do, we both think we do. I'm glad I was able to have a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and labor and delivery, but I'm not sure I need it again. We've started collecting information on adoption. Honestly, the one thing that holds us back is the expense of it all...
6. I love the squeaky sound of basketball shoes on the court.
7. Le bebe is awake! Time to try the potty again :)

*By "mom-jeans," I mean jeans with a tummy control panel, NOT the tapered jeans version.

A Start-- Edited on 2/22/10

I thought I'd make a preliminary list of the people I want to write letters of thanks and appreciation to over the next year. Some are obvious, but a list is a good place to start. So, without further ado, a first draft list of people who have made a major difference in my life (in no particular order):

Mom and Dad-- there's the whole, "I wouldn't be here without them," thing, but I realize how fortunate I am to have parents who have always encouraged me to follow my heart, even when it was something different than what they had hoped for.
Kristin and Steven-- Kristin and I weren't exactly close growing up, but she's become such a fixture in my daily life over the past few years. Being pregnant at the same time made such a difference in our relationship and I'm so thankful for all the ways she's helped me. My little brother is coming into his own and is such a thoughtful, sensitive guy. I'm really proud of him.
Jason-- my best best friend. With him, I feel the most like myself. He's given me the courage to really be myself. He appreciates the little things in life and makes me laugh every day. I don't know what I did in my life to get so lucky, but man, I'm sure glad I did it.
Halsey-- my wubs. Being a stepparent is way harder than being a parent (which is insanely hard), but I love this kid with every fiber of my being. He is funny and smart and clever and has a seriously cute, mischeivious grin. He's taught me patience, above anything else, and for that I am thankful.
Ethan-- the minute he was placed on me after delivery, I felt like my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. Like his brother, he's so funny and charming, and he's not even 2 yet. I want to be a better person for him, to show him the world and all of its possibilities.
Cherie-- the young girl that I mentored for years who has become an extraordinay young woman. I also learned patience from her; she's a great example of dedication and making the best of a hard situation.
Anita T.-- English advisor at RC who took literature to a whole new level for me. I wish I could be as intelligent as she is; she is a true inspiration for me.
Mrs. Barlow-- 3rd grade teacher who brought books to life
Granny-- she's passed away now, but still made such a difference in my life. She didn't have much growing up and always wanted to give us everything-- and at the holidays, everything often meant a large number of trinkets from Big Lots. I never doubted that she was proud of me and that she loved me. I will always be "Granny's girl."
Grandma-- the older I get, the more I learn about life, love and our family from her.
Debbie-- my aunt, who I wanted to be when I grew up. She went back to school after her kids were older and her determination to get her degree was awesome to watch.
Shea-- it's hard to believe that I met Shea 9 years ago. At first, she was my employer; I took care of her daughter, Nicole. She has become my friend and confidant; her experience as a stepmother has been invaluable to me and she is someone I trust completely.
Nicole-- is truely wise beyond her years. She is smart, a talented actress and ambitious. I only hope one of my boys ends up with a girl as incredible as she is.
Jessica-- one of my oldest friends who is truly family. To say she is supportive is an understatement. I know Jess will always be in my corner.
Susan-- in addition to being one of my closest friends, she took care of my baby when I went back to work. It was almost as good as family.
Whitney-- is the kind of smart I wish I was. She's quick-witted and so knowledgeable. I feel like I fudged my way through being an English major, but she knows her stuff. She's loyal and offers such thoughtful insight.
Genny-- was a friend in high school and in the past several years, has become someone I feel very close to, someone I trust and respect.
Holly-- one of the few people from college that I have stayed in contact with, Holly is one of my closest friends. She inspires me and I am thankful for her friendship.
Liz- another inspiration in my life. Her passion and enthusiasm are contagious.
Callie-- Another passionate friend (I seem to surround myself with passionate people...), who is so intelligent. I admire her devotion to her son; she's a great mom.
Brienne-- my friendship with her has taught me a lot aboout myself. We hit a rough spot several years ago and have recently spent some great time together; that's taught me that there is something to be said for history with someone.
Allison-- One of the most fun-loving friends I have. Allison always brings a good attitude and offers the best encouragement. I think she has the ability to always see the good, however deep it may be hiding.
Taylor-- I am not always sure of our friendship's status, but I have learned so much from my relationship with her. She's incredibly smart and witty and can be deeply loyal. However, I've had to learn that no matter how much I love someone, I can't always make them feel better, or love me back. I've learned that I need to give without any expectations for a return.
Leigh Ann-- a friend who is soulful and artistic and sensitive. She can see things from a variety of perspectives and offers wisdom in a way that is easy to hear.
Lindsay M (now M-E)-- I used to babysit for Lindsay and her younger brothers and we were always close. She has an old soul and has always been wise beyond her years. We drifted apart years ago, but have since reconnected. She's still just as wise.
Tulie-- a friend who is a wonderful role model. I look to her for so many things when it comes to parenting. She's like a big sister to me, though I'm not sure she realizes that.
Lecia-- I can still so clearly remember the first time she and I ever talked-- New Year's Eve, 1994. She thought I was someone else. :) Lecia is an awesome balance of fun and spontaniety with thougthfulness and intelligence. She's always understood a part of me that I never showed most people.
Mr. Foard-- my sophomore year Engish teacher. Class with him was fun-- it reminded me that school could be-- and should be-- fun. He was one inspirations I thought of when figuring out my own style of teaching.
The lady who read books at Greenvale nursery school-- she was short, short with long, long black hair and wore thick glasses. She sort of waddled when we she walked and always carried a hefty canvas bag of books. When she would read to us, the books came alive. She changed her voice for each character, and was so excited to share the books with us. I'm not sure I'll ever know her name but she made such a difference in three year old world.
Shelley-- once a student, who became a friend, who became a sister.
Molly and Alex and Maggie and Amy-- students who have allowed me to be an important adult in their lives.
Laurie-- my first real teacher-mentor. The second person I thought of when figuring out what kind of teacher I wanted to be.
Linda-- taught me, in a real way, that you need to face the things that scare you.

Big Huge Duh! I totally blocked out this time in my life that was hard for ways I don't discuss on the interweb, but was very important in my personal growth and left two people off the list that really meant a lot to me and made a difference (thank you, FB):
K.C. -- the reason I went to Catawba College. She was like a big sister to me, answering my questions and guiding me through some tough spots in life. I left NC fairly abruptly and never explained to any of my friends there why I had to go. KC is the one person I missed the most.
Will-- was my closest guy friend for most of high school. To be honest, I was always a bit jealous of his people-skills. He could sweet talk his way into anything and once he figured out what he needed, he could make anything happen. If you just met him, you might think he was just lucky to get some of the breaks that he had gotten, but if you really knew him, you knew that he made it happen. I took my first real road-trip with Will, one that wasn't too planned out, where we just let ourselves fall into adventure. He taught me that if I want something, it's up to me to make it happen.

So, just a first draft list that has 36 people on it. Some of these letters of appreciation will just be online, because I don't have a way to get in touch with them. Others will be real letters that will hopefully be meaningful to the reciepients. In any case, what's important to me is that I take the time to acknowledge those who have made a difference in my life.

New Project

As if my life isn't busy enough, I've decided to take on a new project in honor of my 30th birthday. Over the course of the year, I plan to write 30 letters of appreciation to 30 people who have touched my life in some way (I say 30 but there may end up being more). I just feel so fortunate. There are certainly some challenges we face, that I face, but I feel fortunate even for those (most of the time) because they teach me something. The biggest challenge in our life right now is finances. We we balance our budget, we literally have more going out than what we can count on coming in. Thankfully, Jason is able to bring in some extra cash and we make it paycheck to paycheck. When we filed our taxes last week, we realized exactly why 2009 was so much harder than 2008. Besides the obvious fact that Ethan didn't really cost us all that much at first (we paid hospital bills a little at a time), we made several-- and I do mean several-- thousands dollar less last year. But you know what? No matter how tight it got, we still managed. For that, I'm thankful. We are lucky to both not just have jobs, but have jobs that we love. We're getting ready to pay off one huge debt, which is really going to help us out every month. I'm in a good place. My 20s were so topsy turvy, and I guess most were most other people's. A decade ago, I felt like I was in a totally different world. I was in college, had just started at Roanoke College and was just getting to know myself, really. I could write for days about how much I learned and grew and changed over the past ten years, but I just remember feeling so very insecure and unsure of myself. But somehow, I ended up exactly where I had always dreamt I'd be-- married to my best best friend, a home I love, kids I love, a career I love. I mean, down to the blue Jeep Cherokee Sport I always wanted and the black hound dog-- I have it all. The path wasn't anything I expected, and as Darden Smith says, "love don't travel in straight lines." But I'm here-- here, right where I want to be, and there are so many people who helped me get here and I want to thank them, let them know how much I appreciate their influence in my life. One of my students said last week that heroes are the people who inspire others and I have been so inspired along my journey. I've contemplated starting a sub-blog (I may have just made that term up), dedicated to that, and I still may, but I'll update here as well, as I write these letters and acknowledge these people. Maybe I'll inspire you, dear readers, to do the same. I think saying "thank you" is one of the greatest gifts we can give.