Remember when I said...

Remember when I posted just a day ago and asked you to poke me or message me or nudge me gently, reminding me to write? One sweet mama did and so here I am, unable to sleep at this ungodly hour of 1:00am, writing a blog post for you.
The holidays are here, in full force. I am big on traditions, the ones that we had growing up and creating our own with the boys. I think I do this partly because the traditions ground me and help me remember to be full of gratitude for how much we really have (even when, or especially when, it feels like we don't). We've started an advent calendar of sorts (read: a mason jar of colored popsicle sticks; we pull out one a day and read what I oh-so-sneakily wrote on the back the night before... or just in the minutes before because I totally forgot the night before. Don't judge). Santa brings the boys holiday pj's on Christmas eve, while they're in the bath and they JUST BARELY MISS HIM, OH MAN SANTA WAS IN OUR HOUSE AND YOU MISSED HIM BECAUSE YOU WERE IN THE BATH. But my favorite-- my very favorite-- is the annual holiday card, complete with family photo. Now I don't get all Looney Tunes and write a family newsletter or anything (too pretentious for me, but I'm not judging those who do), but I do get a little nutso over getting a good picture of us all together before the first week of December. It's getting hard because the oldest is working full time and H.Bomb is only with us every other weekend and E$ is three, which means he'll generally do the opposite of whatever it is I want. Last year's card may have been the best ever:

See?!?  Complete and total awesomeness. I love the colors, the fonts, the photo, the message. I don't like cards that are specifically Christmas; I try to be sensitive to the fact that some people don't celebrate Christmas, so this card was perfect. In every way except for the fact that I can't mail it out again this year. 

Here's a brief sampling of pre-edited photos for this year's card (keep an out for waving hands, moving dogs and closed eyes):

 (eyes closed)

 (strange dogs and faces)

 (scared Jason, waving E$)

 (two angry kids)

 (almost... but not quite)

 (E$'s eyes are closed)

 (um, yeah)

 (this was the one I used, despite the wave)

 

 (the forced smile)

These didn't leave me much to work with. They were all almost perfect and then just fell flat. Le sigh. 

And now I'm feeling redundant-- I almost always do a black and white photo with a color background. I put our names in the same order (by age). I choose an funkier card as opposed to one with rolling, pretty script with bright colors and a theme of general love and happiness during the holidays. There is certainly no one putting any pressure on me except for myself; when I showed Jason the one I think I'll order for this year, he sort of grunted and nodded and farted twice (no lie), all of which I took as his approval.  I'm ordering straight from Sam's Club instead of Etsy to save a few bucks, so I might have to settle with a lackluster font, but it's just a card, right?

If you're the kind of person who never actually gets around to sending out holiday cards, you might be wondering why this is such a big deal to me. If you're the kind of person who frets over a newsletter, you might be wondering why choosing a simple card keeps me up at night. Sometimes, I wonder why I think so much about it, to the point where it has become a joke in my family and among some of my friends-- my odd obsession with The Holiday Card. To me, that card means that we at least sort of have it together. It means that my kids are growing and doing well, that we are all doing well. That we are happy enough to make  taking this picture a priority and that it means we're not being bogged down by the heavier things that often come in life. Knock on wood, that card means that we are not sick, that we have jobs and a home and can still surround ourselves with love. That we have a lot to be grateful for. So please bare with me as I obsess over The Card; understand that in the end, whatever picture is there, whatever font is there, it all just means I have a lot to be thankful for. 

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

Life has been tremendously busy this past month or so (but I guess everyone says that). The holidays were good, but seemed to speed up the time that was already going too fast. And now, there's only one week left in January. 3 weeks until I'm 29, the laslt year of this decade. Just a little over a month until Ethan's first birthday. Phew.

I'll share some of my favorite things from this month:

On Sunday, the day after we arrived home from Kansas, Halsey was playing in the hallway when he said:
"Hey Mom!"
Now, he's called me "mom" accidently before, sort of how I end up calling Ethan by Dillon's name, or Dillon by Jason's name, and we sort of ignore it and move on. But this was a different tone; he intentionally called me mom.
"Mom," he said again.
I just said, oh-so-nonchalantly, "yes, Halsey?"
"Sometimes, I like to call you mom. Is that okay?"
I grinned the biggest smile ever and said, "Absolutely."

It may sound silly, but he's always called me "Trina." And I know I'm his stepmom, but there's that "step" in front that makes it sound sort of inferior, like "lessermom." And yes, Ethan is my biological child and will one day call me mom, but this was the very first time that I was called, directly and intentionally, "Mom." It felt like putting on the softest, warmest sweater on the windiest, coldest day.

Ethan is now standing up on his own. As in ,from the middle of the floor, not using anything to pull himself up. Just standing there, looking very proud of himself. Walking is just around the corner. While I hate that he is growing up so quickly, I love watching him explore his world and get to know this place. Again, I may sound cheesey, but it really is like the world is new again as I get to see it through his eyes. It is the most amazing thing. He's also just gotten into music. He's always been fascinated when Jason plays his guitar, but now he "dances" and "sings" whenever he hears music. The way his little body just bounces, the way his eyes and smile light up whenever there's a good beat, it's just so... cute. It's achingly cute, the way the baby bunnies and puppies are cute. Anytime Halsey's guitar is in reach, it's the toy he makes a beeline for. He loves to make the music, and I guess it's in his blood. For over five generations, the Hill boys have been making music. It's only fitting that this next generation continue the tradition.

I love my job. I feel so disheartened when I hear other teachers talk about all of the negatives-- the hours, the pay, the parents, the paperwork, the hoops to jump through. I don't have to deal with much of that because I choose to work at a private school, but I do make a significantly less amount on my paychecks, but ya know, I CHOOSE that. Teaching shouldn't be something that you just sort of happen into; it is an honorable profession, despite the fact that teachers don't always get the respect they deserve. And I feel that despite all of the crappy parts of the job, teachers should love what they do and if they don't, then maybe they shouldn't be teaching. Or they're in it for the wrong reason (I mean, complaining about the pay? ReallY? Did you go into teaching to make money? It's certainly not the pay that teachers deserve, but how many of us get paid what we think we deserve?). But in the end, I feel fortunate to truly love my job. I have great students, sometimes great academically, sometimes just great souls and even the challenging ones are great in some ways. I learn from these kids just as much as I teach them. I make a lot less money than most people, and again, probably at least a third less than my friends who teach in public schools, but I get the benefit of loving my job and knowing that reasons I wanted to teach-- to share my love of books and writing with kids so that they might find that love for themselves-- those reasons are the reasons I am still there.

And while money is still tight, we're making due. Jason and I have both worked hard to cut ourselves down to really only taking what we need. We're both packing our lunches every day; we're turning off lights more often, keeping our heat down and I have given up buying magazines (well, mostly given it up). We know that we'll get by and it's been hard, but at least we have each other. It may not be able to pay the rent, but if I end up in a cardboard box, at least I'll have Jason.

And, and!! LOST is back. Huzzah! I only started watching last year, when I was home on maternity leave (the seasons on dvd was like a little bit of heaven) and am hooked. Last night left me a little confused, but excited.

AND AND AND!!!! The best thing about January?

President Obama. :)