One year ago today, I was at Adam and Whitney's rehearsal dinner. Earlier that day, that morning, was when I got my positive pregnancy test. It's been a year and now, I have a baby who is will be four months old at the end of this week. Jason and I were trying to get pregnant, but I remember feeling so overwhelmed when I saw the two pink lines. The first trimester was hard, in a lot of ways but things got a lot better about halfway through. At the end, I barely slept and felt big and round, but never felt horrible. And then there was this baby, my Ethan. I never knew my heart could feel as big and full as it did the minute I looked down at him. I fell even more in love with Jason. I felt a sense of connection and understanding with all other mothers.
He'll be four months old on Friday, the 4th. He's smiling and laughing now; his personality is really starting to shine through. And whatever I felt before, a year ago, is nothing compared to the love I feel now.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Not Forever.
On our way home from the beach, Halsey started crying without explanation. Finally, through the tears (the sobs, really) he managed to tell me that his toe hurt. Earlier, he had cut part of his big toe and there was a piece of skin hanging on, which he had just yanked off. There was some minor bleeding, but we all know how much those small injuries hurt. He pleaded with me, "Trina, make it stop hurting. Make it stop." Of course I couldn't, but how do you explain to a three year old that bandaids don't always take away pain? I just looked at him and told him that sometimes, things have to hurt but it never lasts forever. It hurts for awhile and then it goes away. He obviously didn't get the big idea there-- that as people, we have all kinds of hurts that bandaids would never heal. He still had some tears in his eyes, but trusted me. I told him he could put some pressure on it and that eventually it would stop hurting, that it wouldn't be forever.
Several hours later, after naps and dinner and potty break, I had assumed he had forgotten about his toe. He hadn't (this kid never forgets anything). He looked up at me with his big blue eyes all lit up and said, "Trina, it stopped hurting! It didn't stay forever."
It never does.
Several hours later, after naps and dinner and potty break, I had assumed he had forgotten about his toe. He hadn't (this kid never forgets anything). He looked up at me with his big blue eyes all lit up and said, "Trina, it stopped hurting! It didn't stay forever."
It never does.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The Week*End Review
Last week, we went down to Topsail Island with my family for a little vacay. I'm not really a beach person. I don't like humidity or sand or sticky sea water. I do like to get a bit of tan, though. We stayed on the sound (again this year) and I really enjoy that. It's a cozy little neighborhood and we can walk to a few restaurants and shops. Here are some pictures:
Boo!! It's taking forever to upload pictures on blogspot! Go here and check out all of the pictures of our beach trip and my ten year high school reunion:
http://community.webshots.com/album/563702571MHQzdS?vhost=community
Friday, June 20, 2008
2X2
So now, two car trips with two kids down, I have noticed a few things:
1. Portable DVD players are great, but not necessary. The Kansas trip would have been much longer without it, but we were sans DVDs for the beach trip and it wasn't so bad.
2. Sleeping in a car always makes me sore.
3. Cracker Barrel is the most family friendly restuarant with the one exception of being able to breastfeed. I did it, but endured a few glares.
4. Too many gas stations, restaurants and right-off-the-highway stores do NOT have changing tables, which I feel should be mandatory.
And now Ethan is awake and ready to eat. More later!
1. Portable DVD players are great, but not necessary. The Kansas trip would have been much longer without it, but we were sans DVDs for the beach trip and it wasn't so bad.
2. Sleeping in a car always makes me sore.
3. Cracker Barrel is the most family friendly restuarant with the one exception of being able to breastfeed. I did it, but endured a few glares.
4. Too many gas stations, restaurants and right-off-the-highway stores do NOT have changing tables, which I feel should be mandatory.
And now Ethan is awake and ready to eat. More later!
Finally!
Ethan started rolling over this week, while we were at the beach! At first, we would just discover him at night. We'd put him down to sleep and he'd wake up crying because he had rolled over and woke himself up. Jason actually got to see him roll over; then my mom, but never me. We got in late last night and this morning, I put him down in the cosleeper on his belly and slowly but surely, he rolled over! I keep telling him that I want him to slow down because I need to savor every minute, but I'm simultaneously so excited to watch him grow.
Also, I'll post pictures of our trip sometime this weekend. Halsey had a great time hanging out with my brother and his friend; Ethan got lots of quality time with my parents and Jason and I both got some sun. (It is good to be home, though).
More later!
Also, I'll post pictures of our trip sometime this weekend. Halsey had a great time hanging out with my brother and his friend; Ethan got lots of quality time with my parents and Jason and I both got some sun. (It is good to be home, though).
More later!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Vacation!
Is it bad that I'm still checking in with what I can via interweb while I'm on vacation? Maybe, but then writing is calming for me, so whatev. Here we are, at Topsail Island, NC. It's absolutely wonderful here. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not really a beach person (the heat; the sand; the stickiness of the ocean), but I really do enjoy this place. It's never crowded and the house we rent is great because it's not two blocks to the oceans (and restaurants and shops), but it's on the sound, so the water is right here. The boys have spent a ton of time fishing (I'm actually watching Jason and Halsey fish right now; Ethan just went to bed). There's a thunderstorm brewing, which makes me happy. Ethan went to the beach for the first time ever last night; he was surprised (I think) at the ocean water. We waited until 7:00pm to take him out; I don't want to take any risks with him in the sun, so we've been inside a lot. My mom has spent a lot of time with him, too, which has been good. He doesn't spend as much time with her (or my dad) as my nephew does because they all live a lot closer, so spending a week together is great bonding time. She's been pushing me to get out in the sun-- "you need a tan! look how pale you are! don't put 45 SPF on; that's too much!" Not advice you think you'd hear from a mom, huh?
I've brought and finished Randy Pausch's Last Lecture book. It was phenomenal. Very moving and sentimental without being overly focused on his diagnosis. I loved it and feel very uplifted now that I've read it. I also feel the need to go back and highlight parts I really liked, which is my tell-tale sign of really loving a book. Now I've got a few magazines to skim through, which makes me insanely happy. I'm a bit of a magazine addict and gave myself permission to buy 3 to bring down with me.
The only thing I've fallen in love with down here is a new store called LunaPops. They make very cool popsicles in small batches and they have two sizes (child size and regular). Child-size ones are perfect to let you taste several flavors. I think this their site (if it's not, just google it): www.lunapops.com
And now I'm going to try and use the last bit of daylight to read the latest Mothering magazine. :)
I've brought and finished Randy Pausch's Last Lecture book. It was phenomenal. Very moving and sentimental without being overly focused on his diagnosis. I loved it and feel very uplifted now that I've read it. I also feel the need to go back and highlight parts I really liked, which is my tell-tale sign of really loving a book. Now I've got a few magazines to skim through, which makes me insanely happy. I'm a bit of a magazine addict and gave myself permission to buy 3 to bring down with me.
The only thing I've fallen in love with down here is a new store called LunaPops. They make very cool popsicles in small batches and they have two sizes (child size and regular). Child-size ones are perfect to let you taste several flavors. I think this their site (if it's not, just google it): www.lunapops.com
And now I'm going to try and use the last bit of daylight to read the latest Mothering magazine. :)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Mom Jeans
We all know someone who wears mom-jeans, right? Usually, a mom (forgive me for sounding redudant but being a mom isn't necessarily a pre-req for wearing mom jeans), or someone a bit older and/or lacking a minimum of fashion sense. I love her, but my own mom is guilty of wearing mom jeans (although I will say that her fashion sense is improving with age). I have never worn mom jeans. The very idea of anything tapered on my oversized hourglass figure is enough to send me running to the hills (which may cause the oversized part to be less so, so maybe that's not the worse idea ever...). But while I have not fallen victim to the mom jeans since becoming an actual mother, I have given in to other "mom" fashions. Here's my guilty-of list:
1. Sweats and t-shirts make up most of my wardrobe. I'm home a lot; why would I go the extra mile and wear clothes with zippers, buttons and other such cumbersome additions? Isn't it enough that I take a shower every day? I thought I'd gotten a good deal when I found v-neck t-shirts at KMart for $4 a piece. I bought four of them, in different colors. I then found a similiar, but softer version, at Target of which I bought two. They are my favorite things to wear.
2. I now buy clothes at Walmart, Kmart, etc. Not that I was ever a big spender on clothes, but I used to shop at the mall. Then, I got older and had more bills to pay and so Target became my haven. It wasn't like I was a snob; I just never really considered other places for clothes. But then I had a baby and my money had to go to other places (like clothes to fit him as he seemingly changes sizes every two weeks or so) and now, Target is where I buy my "nice" clothes (see number 1, my "softer" tees).
3. I feel a need to cut my hair. I know lots!!! of moms who, after having children, cut their hair short. I always swore this was something I would never do, as I feel my long hair was youthful and plus, my husband loves it. But now, I pull my hair up just about everyday because if I don't, it gets pulled on. Or if I'm lucky, I get spit-up in my hair. I know I'm a mom and should expect such things, but it seriously grosses me out. If my hair were shorter, this wouldn't be an issue. So it's on the maybe-to-do list.
4. So long, perfume! I used to smell really good everyday. But Ethan really knows my scent and I know (or at least, I read) that it's comforting to him. And I don't really want to overwhelm his tiny (always congested) nose, so I've given up on my daily spritz of White Musk. When Jason gets ready for work every morning, he always dabs on some smell-good and so when he leans in to kiss me goodbye, I get a good whiff of it and I get jealous. Not because I think he's getting all gussied up for some girls at work, but because I used to smell nice, too. Now I just sweat. A lot.
5. Half skirt; half shorts. This is the big one; I've fallen in love with skorts. They give me the cuteness of a skirt with the practicality of shorts. It's the best of both worlds! I only wear the ones that look like skirts from the front and back, though, so you only my know my little secret if I choose to divulge it (which I always do because I'm so excited to show off my skort). I've convinced a few others to come the way of the skort and yesterday, one friend said that she, too, was bragging on her new skort and a student said, "yeah, my mom wears those."
So I guess it's official, then, huh? I. am. old. (and I don't mind).
1. Sweats and t-shirts make up most of my wardrobe. I'm home a lot; why would I go the extra mile and wear clothes with zippers, buttons and other such cumbersome additions? Isn't it enough that I take a shower every day? I thought I'd gotten a good deal when I found v-neck t-shirts at KMart for $4 a piece. I bought four of them, in different colors. I then found a similiar, but softer version, at Target of which I bought two. They are my favorite things to wear.
2. I now buy clothes at Walmart, Kmart, etc. Not that I was ever a big spender on clothes, but I used to shop at the mall. Then, I got older and had more bills to pay and so Target became my haven. It wasn't like I was a snob; I just never really considered other places for clothes. But then I had a baby and my money had to go to other places (like clothes to fit him as he seemingly changes sizes every two weeks or so) and now, Target is where I buy my "nice" clothes (see number 1, my "softer" tees).
3. I feel a need to cut my hair. I know lots!!! of moms who, after having children, cut their hair short. I always swore this was something I would never do, as I feel my long hair was youthful and plus, my husband loves it. But now, I pull my hair up just about everyday because if I don't, it gets pulled on. Or if I'm lucky, I get spit-up in my hair. I know I'm a mom and should expect such things, but it seriously grosses me out. If my hair were shorter, this wouldn't be an issue. So it's on the maybe-to-do list.
4. So long, perfume! I used to smell really good everyday. But Ethan really knows my scent and I know (or at least, I read) that it's comforting to him. And I don't really want to overwhelm his tiny (always congested) nose, so I've given up on my daily spritz of White Musk. When Jason gets ready for work every morning, he always dabs on some smell-good and so when he leans in to kiss me goodbye, I get a good whiff of it and I get jealous. Not because I think he's getting all gussied up for some girls at work, but because I used to smell nice, too. Now I just sweat. A lot.
5. Half skirt; half shorts. This is the big one; I've fallen in love with skorts. They give me the cuteness of a skirt with the practicality of shorts. It's the best of both worlds! I only wear the ones that look like skirts from the front and back, though, so you only my know my little secret if I choose to divulge it (which I always do because I'm so excited to show off my skort). I've convinced a few others to come the way of the skort and yesterday, one friend said that she, too, was bragging on her new skort and a student said, "yeah, my mom wears those."
So I guess it's official, then, huh? I. am. old. (and I don't mind).
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Leave it to Oprah.
I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be. I've always tried to be a good person, but there's nothing like a big life change to really get me moving. Becoming a mother has done just that. I look at Ethan and want to be the best role model for him that I can possibly be; I want him to be proud of his mom.
Other things get me thinking, too. I've given up Law and Order SVU to watch the new season of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days. I know that may sound cheesy, but this one hour a week really gets me to think about new things that I don't normally focus on. This show opens my horizons and helps me to be more of an empathetic person. I wish I could thank Morgan in person for that.
And today on Oprah, there was a Dr. Oz special on death. Sounded a bit creepy to me when I heard the show's title, but I watched it anyway. Kris Carr was on, the woman behind the documentary (and book) crazysexycancer. She was amazing on the show; so real, so open and so honest about her life and her ideas. She had more life in her, after having recieved essentially a death sentence, than just about anyone I've ever met. And then there was Randy Pausch, the professor who's "last lecture," has been sent around the world. He did a shortened version of it on the show and I cried. Find it on the internet and watch it or go get his book. It was truly one of the most moving things I have ever seen.
And then, a quote I found years ago on a notecard at some store in Floyd, has been coming back to me a lot recently:
"Perhaps grace is realizing that it's not all about you. Perhaps grace is knowing that people are doing what they're doing for their own reasons, not yours."
This, I think, is my own personal battle (or at least part of it). I tend to take a lot on from other people, a lot that isn't given to me. If someone is upset, my first assumption is to assume it's something I did. I think, what can I do to make it better (even if I have no idea what the "it" is), or how can I just make this other person happy with me. But you know, it isn't about me. What other people are doing, are feeling, are thinking-- chances are it's not about me. It's not that I'm self-centered, I think I just have this desire to "fix" things. Now don't get me wrong; I know I've hurt people (usually unintentionally) and when I have, I do want to make it better, and I usually will make that effort when I've been made known when something is wrong. But the problem is that I tend to assume there's a problem with me when it maybe just be something someone else is dealing with and needs to deal with on their own.
But I digress. I've always wanted to be a good person. My friends make me want to be a good friend, because I am thankful for their friendships. Being with Jason makes me want to be a better Katrina; since I've been with him, I've felt so much more comfortable in my own skin, which in turn has allowed me to be, I think (hope?) a better me. And now becoming a mom-- this next step in discovering other ways to be a better friend, a better coworker, a better teacher, a better daughter, a better granddaughter, a better wife, a better mom. Again, cheesy but true: life truly is about the journey.
Links you may be interested in:
crazy.sexy.cancer http://www.crazysexycancer.com/
Randy Pausch http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/
Other things get me thinking, too. I've given up Law and Order SVU to watch the new season of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days. I know that may sound cheesy, but this one hour a week really gets me to think about new things that I don't normally focus on. This show opens my horizons and helps me to be more of an empathetic person. I wish I could thank Morgan in person for that.
And today on Oprah, there was a Dr. Oz special on death. Sounded a bit creepy to me when I heard the show's title, but I watched it anyway. Kris Carr was on, the woman behind the documentary (and book) crazysexycancer. She was amazing on the show; so real, so open and so honest about her life and her ideas. She had more life in her, after having recieved essentially a death sentence, than just about anyone I've ever met. And then there was Randy Pausch, the professor who's "last lecture," has been sent around the world. He did a shortened version of it on the show and I cried. Find it on the internet and watch it or go get his book. It was truly one of the most moving things I have ever seen.
And then, a quote I found years ago on a notecard at some store in Floyd, has been coming back to me a lot recently:
"Perhaps grace is realizing that it's not all about you. Perhaps grace is knowing that people are doing what they're doing for their own reasons, not yours."
This, I think, is my own personal battle (or at least part of it). I tend to take a lot on from other people, a lot that isn't given to me. If someone is upset, my first assumption is to assume it's something I did. I think, what can I do to make it better (even if I have no idea what the "it" is), or how can I just make this other person happy with me. But you know, it isn't about me. What other people are doing, are feeling, are thinking-- chances are it's not about me. It's not that I'm self-centered, I think I just have this desire to "fix" things. Now don't get me wrong; I know I've hurt people (usually unintentionally) and when I have, I do want to make it better, and I usually will make that effort when I've been made known when something is wrong. But the problem is that I tend to assume there's a problem with me when it maybe just be something someone else is dealing with and needs to deal with on their own.
But I digress. I've always wanted to be a good person. My friends make me want to be a good friend, because I am thankful for their friendships. Being with Jason makes me want to be a better Katrina; since I've been with him, I've felt so much more comfortable in my own skin, which in turn has allowed me to be, I think (hope?) a better me. And now becoming a mom-- this next step in discovering other ways to be a better friend, a better coworker, a better teacher, a better daughter, a better granddaughter, a better wife, a better mom. Again, cheesy but true: life truly is about the journey.
Links you may be interested in:
crazy.sexy.cancer http://www.crazysexycancer.com/
Randy Pausch http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I should be sleeping...
Ethan is growing up too quickly.
I bought a Bumbo today. I looked all over town for a blue or green or yellow or orange one, but it seems only lilac Bumbos ship to Roanoke, so here he is, in his purple chair. I really wanted one to take to the beach next week; I can't wait to hear what my dad says about it! My dad gave me a hard time during Christmas when we bought Halsey a baby doll, but when I pointed out that if we had a girl, we wouldn't hesitate to buy her trucks or tools, he conceded. :)
This past week, I entered a photo contest. The theme of the contest is "Moving," and I uploaded several photos. My interpretation of moving is not necessarily a physical movement, but more emotional. Here are the pictures I entered:
It's a Nikon contest, so google it and feel free to go vote for one of these pictures starting on Monday!
I bought a Bumbo today. I looked all over town for a blue or green or yellow or orange one, but it seems only lilac Bumbos ship to Roanoke, so here he is, in his purple chair. I really wanted one to take to the beach next week; I can't wait to hear what my dad says about it! My dad gave me a hard time during Christmas when we bought Halsey a baby doll, but when I pointed out that if we had a girl, we wouldn't hesitate to buy her trucks or tools, he conceded. :)
This past week, I entered a photo contest. The theme of the contest is "Moving," and I uploaded several photos. My interpretation of moving is not necessarily a physical movement, but more emotional. Here are the pictures I entered:
It's a Nikon contest, so google it and feel free to go vote for one of these pictures starting on Monday!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
three.
Ethan was officially three months old yesterday. I can't believe it. He's not my teeny newborn anymore. He holds up his head and smiles and talks to us. He's sleeping in 6 hour stretches at night. He loves to be up and involved with whatever is going on. I simultaneously am looking forward to him sitting up, crawling, eating solid foods, walking-- so much, but I also don't want him to change so quickly. While it's definitely been a stretch for us financially, I'm so glad I've been able to be home with him.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Things I Love.
*This is in no particular order.
1. Sarah Jessica Parker (I'm watching The Family Stone right now; the movie is meh, but she is hilarious!)
2. cupcakes.
3. digital scrapbooking
4. bookstores.
5. journals, but they can't be too fancy or else I feel like I have to write something moving in them and often, I just write crap.
6. children's lit
7. snuggling with dillon.
8. good soups.
9. ice cream.
10. thunderstorms.
11. 30 Days with Morgan Spurlock
12. America's Best Dance Crew
13. spending time with my girls.
14. touching feet with Jason at night in bed.
15. snuggling with Jason and Ethan.
16. taking evening walks with the boys.
17. walking to the coffeeshop on lazy weekend mornings.
18. Ethan's smiles and coos.
19. When Jason holds my hand.
20. Most anything that Jason cooks.
21. Jason, Halsey and Ethan.
22. My family.
23. Taking pictures.
24. teaching.
25. eating popcorn and junior mints at a movie.
26. finding a surprise $5 in my pocket.
27. making lists.
1. Sarah Jessica Parker (I'm watching The Family Stone right now; the movie is meh, but she is hilarious!)
2. cupcakes.
3. digital scrapbooking
4. bookstores.
5. journals, but they can't be too fancy or else I feel like I have to write something moving in them and often, I just write crap.
6. children's lit
7. snuggling with dillon.
8. good soups.
9. ice cream.
10. thunderstorms.
11. 30 Days with Morgan Spurlock
12. America's Best Dance Crew
13. spending time with my girls.
14. touching feet with Jason at night in bed.
15. snuggling with Jason and Ethan.
16. taking evening walks with the boys.
17. walking to the coffeeshop on lazy weekend mornings.
18. Ethan's smiles and coos.
19. When Jason holds my hand.
20. Most anything that Jason cooks.
21. Jason, Halsey and Ethan.
22. My family.
23. Taking pictures.
24. teaching.
25. eating popcorn and junior mints at a movie.
26. finding a surprise $5 in my pocket.
27. making lists.
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