5 to 1

In the Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin noted that for every 1 negative interaction, it takes 5 positive ones to build up up good vibes again (she said it in a much more scientific and stastical way, but you get the idea).  This one fact has really stuck with me and I've made an effort to make sure to have positive interactions with J, with my kids, with my students and coworkers, with my friends.  When Callie was working on her masters degree, she shared this same idea as social capital.  We have to invest in our relationships so that they can weather the inevitable storms. 

For J and I, it's great to have date nights and snuggle time together on the couch, but sometimes those interactions are as simple as calling to say thank you for making our morning go smoothly or emailing an article that reminds us that parenting is hard for everyone and that is not only our children who are challenging.  For the kids, we make sure to have some one-on-one time with each boy, but also just time together as a family.  When the weather is warm, we go on LOTS of picnics.  We avoid the tv, phones, computers and just focus on each other.  As hard as it seems to have gotten sometimes, I try to see my girlfriends on a regular (or at least semi-regular) basis.  It can be brunch or catching up at a party or making plans for a girls' overnight in the summer, but connecting them always reminds me that I am more than just J's wife, H's stepmom or E's mama.

I can't be sure that the 5 to 1 ratio is completely accurate, but it makes sense to me.  So how do you invest in your social capitalism? 

My Own Happiness Project

I turned the big 3-0 a few weeks ago and got a few BN gift cards, with which I was able to buy two books I've been craving: one is a teacher book, The Book Whisperer, by Donalyn Miller and the other is The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.

I'm very interested in the idea of happiness. I mean, I know that most of us want to be happy, or at least that's what we say, but I think there's a big disparity between wanting to be happy and actually being happy. I honestly think some people find it easier to be in a state of dischord, though they would probably say they want to be happy. But then, Garbage put it so eloquently; "I'm only happy when it rains." I want to be truly happy, to live an uncomplicated and simple life, to find and appreciation the small things in my everyday life. In December, I read The Geography of Bliss, by Eric Weiner. It's a great book, charting the happiest and unhappiest places around the globe and what it is the makes them happy. The Happiness Project is about Gretchen's specific goals and resolutions to take better note of the small and happy details of her life. While some of the things seemed trivial to me, the most meaninful parts to me are the little things-- keeping my nagging in check (not that I nag... much), making effort at friendships, working towards goals and facing challenges. For years, since college I guess, I've had my own ritual to help me focus on the good things-- 3 Good Things. It used to be that I wrote these down on post it notes every day and stuck them up where I would see them, on the mirror, the dashboard of my car, the door, in my wallet. Seeing those tangible reminders of the good things I had in my life were helpful, particularly when things didn't feel so happy.
In college, I decided to be an English major, because reading and writing were the things that made me happy, despite the fact that the job market doesn't always open up high paying doors to English majors. Then, I decided to be a teacher, because I felt it was my calling. On top of that, I decided to teach at a private school, not exactly the money-making career my parents both hoped I would have. But you know? I was happy; I was following my heart and I didn't worry about money. In 2004, I bought my house because it felt right, because it made me happy, despite it's lack of "resale value." What was valuable to me was that it always felt like home. The majority of the decisions I've made have been motivated by how much happiness it's likely to bring me and for me, I don't really equate money with happiness. That's not to say that I don't appreciate the value of money; times aren't exactly easy for us right now, but we've made some decisions that will lighten our load significantly. It's just that I think I do a pretty good job at connecting with the day-to-day events that make me feel satisfied and appreciative of the life I am fortunate enough to live.
To that end, I've considered my own "happiness project." Part of that is my 30 thank yous. Telling me people how much they've meant to me and how my life has been made better because of them is important to me. I want to travel and see new things-- we're hoping to visit Las Vegas this fall, Orlando next spring and *fingers crossed*, Italy and Greece next summer. I want to spend real quality time with my boys, to focus on them when we're together, to be a positive, happy role model for them. I want to spend that kind of time with Jason, too, and make sure he really knows how much I love him. I want to spend time with my friends, and soak up their wisdom, humor and general awesomeness.
So I'm not sure what to do next-- just keep these ideas in mind? Keep a chart or checklist, like Gretchen? Write here everyday? (Of course, let's be honest, it's probably just the two of us here ;) ) Any suggestions? I'm open to them!