My Own Happiness Project

I turned the big 3-0 a few weeks ago and got a few BN gift cards, with which I was able to buy two books I've been craving: one is a teacher book, The Book Whisperer, by Donalyn Miller and the other is The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.

I'm very interested in the idea of happiness. I mean, I know that most of us want to be happy, or at least that's what we say, but I think there's a big disparity between wanting to be happy and actually being happy. I honestly think some people find it easier to be in a state of dischord, though they would probably say they want to be happy. But then, Garbage put it so eloquently; "I'm only happy when it rains." I want to be truly happy, to live an uncomplicated and simple life, to find and appreciation the small things in my everyday life. In December, I read The Geography of Bliss, by Eric Weiner. It's a great book, charting the happiest and unhappiest places around the globe and what it is the makes them happy. The Happiness Project is about Gretchen's specific goals and resolutions to take better note of the small and happy details of her life. While some of the things seemed trivial to me, the most meaninful parts to me are the little things-- keeping my nagging in check (not that I nag... much), making effort at friendships, working towards goals and facing challenges. For years, since college I guess, I've had my own ritual to help me focus on the good things-- 3 Good Things. It used to be that I wrote these down on post it notes every day and stuck them up where I would see them, on the mirror, the dashboard of my car, the door, in my wallet. Seeing those tangible reminders of the good things I had in my life were helpful, particularly when things didn't feel so happy.
In college, I decided to be an English major, because reading and writing were the things that made me happy, despite the fact that the job market doesn't always open up high paying doors to English majors. Then, I decided to be a teacher, because I felt it was my calling. On top of that, I decided to teach at a private school, not exactly the money-making career my parents both hoped I would have. But you know? I was happy; I was following my heart and I didn't worry about money. In 2004, I bought my house because it felt right, because it made me happy, despite it's lack of "resale value." What was valuable to me was that it always felt like home. The majority of the decisions I've made have been motivated by how much happiness it's likely to bring me and for me, I don't really equate money with happiness. That's not to say that I don't appreciate the value of money; times aren't exactly easy for us right now, but we've made some decisions that will lighten our load significantly. It's just that I think I do a pretty good job at connecting with the day-to-day events that make me feel satisfied and appreciative of the life I am fortunate enough to live.
To that end, I've considered my own "happiness project." Part of that is my 30 thank yous. Telling me people how much they've meant to me and how my life has been made better because of them is important to me. I want to travel and see new things-- we're hoping to visit Las Vegas this fall, Orlando next spring and *fingers crossed*, Italy and Greece next summer. I want to spend real quality time with my boys, to focus on them when we're together, to be a positive, happy role model for them. I want to spend that kind of time with Jason, too, and make sure he really knows how much I love him. I want to spend time with my friends, and soak up their wisdom, humor and general awesomeness.
So I'm not sure what to do next-- just keep these ideas in mind? Keep a chart or checklist, like Gretchen? Write here everyday? (Of course, let's be honest, it's probably just the two of us here ;) ) Any suggestions? I'm open to them!

Baby's First Pun

Okay, so he's not a baby, he's almost 5, but it's still pretty exciting. Puns are an important part of the Hill tradition, I've learned over the past few years. Jason and his dad, in particular, exchange them on a regular basis. I've always had a special place in my heart for puns, but being with Jason has really amped it up (ask one of us about the "chili dog" incident).

Anyhow, this morning in the car on the way to school, H.Bomb casually asked his dad if he had ever heard of a "roller ghoster." Ya know, a roller coaster that's in a haunted house? :) Such genius, that child.

(In other humor news, the littlest Hill, E$ made his first joke, at the tender age of almost 2. He picked his nose, held it up to me and said, "Mom, I want booger sammich," and proceeded to giggle relentlessly. Such is the life with boys).

This blog is taking the place of cookies.

Warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies, to be exact. I had fully intended to work out tonight, a little WiiFit and a little Just Dance, but by the time I got both boys tucked into bed, I was tuckered out. Working out really does wake me up (which is further evidence that I *should* get up early in the morning to work out, but alas, I choose to not see the before side of 6:30am), but it's just so much easier to fit it in the afternoons or in the early evenings with a long, brisk walk. So because our day started so late, the boys went to bed late, and I still want to go to bed at a reasonable hour, the workout was nixed. And instead, I wanted cookies. The Pillsbury dough, baked until the edges are crisp and the middle is still so ooey-gooey cookies to go with a tall class of Homestead creamery milk. Here's the kicker: more than I want the cookies, I want to be thin(ner). I want to fit back into my size 8s, the ones that my husband hung in the closet to taunt me (if I knew html codes, I would have crossed out the taunt and put it motivate). So I had a small glass of lowfat chocolate milk instead.
An okay balance, right?

Friday's List

1. Today was a great day. Ethan and I got an early start to our day and knocked out our errands. He's pooped in the potty at the sitter's all week long (!!!!!), so we went to get some pull-ups and training pants (!!!!!). I also bought a pair of mom-jeans* at Target. Then we went to Captain Party to find the coveted Gabba party supplies that my husband said were there. Big letdown because the only Gabba goods they had were tucked away in one $40 box that you couldn't open but that supposedly contain plates, napkins, cups, a Mylar balloon and a bunch of other stuff that I didn't feel was worthy of our $40. So we didn't buy the Gabba box but we did buy a few other goodies for E's upcoming 2nd bday dancey dance. Then it was time to hunt down a cake for a friend's party tonight and our final stop was lunch with Holly. Ethan was good for most of the morning, although he felt the need to first turn on all of the charm for the all of the female diners at the coffee shop and then proceeded to run around like a banshee.
2. Holy smokes. I had such a good day so far that I got way too caught up in the details. My bad. Back to the list.
3. Jason and I are currently watching "17 Again." Here's my confession: Zac Efron is hot. Super way hotter than Taylor Lautner (who I really don't think is all that hot).
4. We are so close to being mostly debt free, I swear I can taste it. We've handled a huge debt from J's divorce. J did the smart thing and went to CCCS to get it all under control, back in 2006. For years, we've been paying a ginormous amount of our monthly income to dealing with it and it has been so disheartening at times. We live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes, I seriously don't know how we make it. Without both of us having some sort of second income, we might not have made it. But the end is near! Within just a few months, we'll pay off one bill and in just over a year, we'll pay off the huge one. I finally feel like we can start making real plans for our future, like traveling and a bigger house and a new (to us) car when one of our vehicles finally breaks down.
5. My baby boy is going to be 2 in 2 weeks. How does that happen? When did he go from being this tiny little bundle to an active, smart, sweet and sensitive toddler? As he gets older, Jason and I have started talking about when and whether or not we want to add one more to the brood. I think we do, we both think we do. I'm glad I was able to have a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and labor and delivery, but I'm not sure I need it again. We've started collecting information on adoption. Honestly, the one thing that holds us back is the expense of it all...
6. I love the squeaky sound of basketball shoes on the court.
7. Le bebe is awake! Time to try the potty again :)

*By "mom-jeans," I mean jeans with a tummy control panel, NOT the tapered jeans version.

A Start-- Edited on 2/22/10

I thought I'd make a preliminary list of the people I want to write letters of thanks and appreciation to over the next year. Some are obvious, but a list is a good place to start. So, without further ado, a first draft list of people who have made a major difference in my life (in no particular order):

Mom and Dad-- there's the whole, "I wouldn't be here without them," thing, but I realize how fortunate I am to have parents who have always encouraged me to follow my heart, even when it was something different than what they had hoped for.
Kristin and Steven-- Kristin and I weren't exactly close growing up, but she's become such a fixture in my daily life over the past few years. Being pregnant at the same time made such a difference in our relationship and I'm so thankful for all the ways she's helped me. My little brother is coming into his own and is such a thoughtful, sensitive guy. I'm really proud of him.
Jason-- my best best friend. With him, I feel the most like myself. He's given me the courage to really be myself. He appreciates the little things in life and makes me laugh every day. I don't know what I did in my life to get so lucky, but man, I'm sure glad I did it.
Halsey-- my wubs. Being a stepparent is way harder than being a parent (which is insanely hard), but I love this kid with every fiber of my being. He is funny and smart and clever and has a seriously cute, mischeivious grin. He's taught me patience, above anything else, and for that I am thankful.
Ethan-- the minute he was placed on me after delivery, I felt like my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. Like his brother, he's so funny and charming, and he's not even 2 yet. I want to be a better person for him, to show him the world and all of its possibilities.
Cherie-- the young girl that I mentored for years who has become an extraordinay young woman. I also learned patience from her; she's a great example of dedication and making the best of a hard situation.
Anita T.-- English advisor at RC who took literature to a whole new level for me. I wish I could be as intelligent as she is; she is a true inspiration for me.
Mrs. Barlow-- 3rd grade teacher who brought books to life
Granny-- she's passed away now, but still made such a difference in my life. She didn't have much growing up and always wanted to give us everything-- and at the holidays, everything often meant a large number of trinkets from Big Lots. I never doubted that she was proud of me and that she loved me. I will always be "Granny's girl."
Grandma-- the older I get, the more I learn about life, love and our family from her.
Debbie-- my aunt, who I wanted to be when I grew up. She went back to school after her kids were older and her determination to get her degree was awesome to watch.
Shea-- it's hard to believe that I met Shea 9 years ago. At first, she was my employer; I took care of her daughter, Nicole. She has become my friend and confidant; her experience as a stepmother has been invaluable to me and she is someone I trust completely.
Nicole-- is truely wise beyond her years. She is smart, a talented actress and ambitious. I only hope one of my boys ends up with a girl as incredible as she is.
Jessica-- one of my oldest friends who is truly family. To say she is supportive is an understatement. I know Jess will always be in my corner.
Susan-- in addition to being one of my closest friends, she took care of my baby when I went back to work. It was almost as good as family.
Whitney-- is the kind of smart I wish I was. She's quick-witted and so knowledgeable. I feel like I fudged my way through being an English major, but she knows her stuff. She's loyal and offers such thoughtful insight.
Genny-- was a friend in high school and in the past several years, has become someone I feel very close to, someone I trust and respect.
Holly-- one of the few people from college that I have stayed in contact with, Holly is one of my closest friends. She inspires me and I am thankful for her friendship.
Liz- another inspiration in my life. Her passion and enthusiasm are contagious.
Callie-- Another passionate friend (I seem to surround myself with passionate people...), who is so intelligent. I admire her devotion to her son; she's a great mom.
Brienne-- my friendship with her has taught me a lot aboout myself. We hit a rough spot several years ago and have recently spent some great time together; that's taught me that there is something to be said for history with someone.
Allison-- One of the most fun-loving friends I have. Allison always brings a good attitude and offers the best encouragement. I think she has the ability to always see the good, however deep it may be hiding.
Taylor-- I am not always sure of our friendship's status, but I have learned so much from my relationship with her. She's incredibly smart and witty and can be deeply loyal. However, I've had to learn that no matter how much I love someone, I can't always make them feel better, or love me back. I've learned that I need to give without any expectations for a return.
Leigh Ann-- a friend who is soulful and artistic and sensitive. She can see things from a variety of perspectives and offers wisdom in a way that is easy to hear.
Lindsay M (now M-E)-- I used to babysit for Lindsay and her younger brothers and we were always close. She has an old soul and has always been wise beyond her years. We drifted apart years ago, but have since reconnected. She's still just as wise.
Tulie-- a friend who is a wonderful role model. I look to her for so many things when it comes to parenting. She's like a big sister to me, though I'm not sure she realizes that.
Lecia-- I can still so clearly remember the first time she and I ever talked-- New Year's Eve, 1994. She thought I was someone else. :) Lecia is an awesome balance of fun and spontaniety with thougthfulness and intelligence. She's always understood a part of me that I never showed most people.
Mr. Foard-- my sophomore year Engish teacher. Class with him was fun-- it reminded me that school could be-- and should be-- fun. He was one inspirations I thought of when figuring out my own style of teaching.
The lady who read books at Greenvale nursery school-- she was short, short with long, long black hair and wore thick glasses. She sort of waddled when we she walked and always carried a hefty canvas bag of books. When she would read to us, the books came alive. She changed her voice for each character, and was so excited to share the books with us. I'm not sure I'll ever know her name but she made such a difference in three year old world.
Shelley-- once a student, who became a friend, who became a sister.
Molly and Alex and Maggie and Amy-- students who have allowed me to be an important adult in their lives.
Laurie-- my first real teacher-mentor. The second person I thought of when figuring out what kind of teacher I wanted to be.
Linda-- taught me, in a real way, that you need to face the things that scare you.

Big Huge Duh! I totally blocked out this time in my life that was hard for ways I don't discuss on the interweb, but was very important in my personal growth and left two people off the list that really meant a lot to me and made a difference (thank you, FB):
K.C. -- the reason I went to Catawba College. She was like a big sister to me, answering my questions and guiding me through some tough spots in life. I left NC fairly abruptly and never explained to any of my friends there why I had to go. KC is the one person I missed the most.
Will-- was my closest guy friend for most of high school. To be honest, I was always a bit jealous of his people-skills. He could sweet talk his way into anything and once he figured out what he needed, he could make anything happen. If you just met him, you might think he was just lucky to get some of the breaks that he had gotten, but if you really knew him, you knew that he made it happen. I took my first real road-trip with Will, one that wasn't too planned out, where we just let ourselves fall into adventure. He taught me that if I want something, it's up to me to make it happen.

So, just a first draft list that has 36 people on it. Some of these letters of appreciation will just be online, because I don't have a way to get in touch with them. Others will be real letters that will hopefully be meaningful to the reciepients. In any case, what's important to me is that I take the time to acknowledge those who have made a difference in my life.

New Project

As if my life isn't busy enough, I've decided to take on a new project in honor of my 30th birthday. Over the course of the year, I plan to write 30 letters of appreciation to 30 people who have touched my life in some way (I say 30 but there may end up being more). I just feel so fortunate. There are certainly some challenges we face, that I face, but I feel fortunate even for those (most of the time) because they teach me something. The biggest challenge in our life right now is finances. We we balance our budget, we literally have more going out than what we can count on coming in. Thankfully, Jason is able to bring in some extra cash and we make it paycheck to paycheck. When we filed our taxes last week, we realized exactly why 2009 was so much harder than 2008. Besides the obvious fact that Ethan didn't really cost us all that much at first (we paid hospital bills a little at a time), we made several-- and I do mean several-- thousands dollar less last year. But you know what? No matter how tight it got, we still managed. For that, I'm thankful. We are lucky to both not just have jobs, but have jobs that we love. We're getting ready to pay off one huge debt, which is really going to help us out every month. I'm in a good place. My 20s were so topsy turvy, and I guess most were most other people's. A decade ago, I felt like I was in a totally different world. I was in college, had just started at Roanoke College and was just getting to know myself, really. I could write for days about how much I learned and grew and changed over the past ten years, but I just remember feeling so very insecure and unsure of myself. But somehow, I ended up exactly where I had always dreamt I'd be-- married to my best best friend, a home I love, kids I love, a career I love. I mean, down to the blue Jeep Cherokee Sport I always wanted and the black hound dog-- I have it all. The path wasn't anything I expected, and as Darden Smith says, "love don't travel in straight lines." But I'm here-- here, right where I want to be, and there are so many people who helped me get here and I want to thank them, let them know how much I appreciate their influence in my life. One of my students said last week that heroes are the people who inspire others and I have been so inspired along my journey. I've contemplated starting a sub-blog (I may have just made that term up), dedicated to that, and I still may, but I'll update here as well, as I write these letters and acknowledge these people. Maybe I'll inspire you, dear readers, to do the same. I think saying "thank you" is one of the greatest gifts we can give.